Dear Trader Joe’s
What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously? Do you realize how much money you would make if you opened up even ONE store in Colorful Colorado?
Don’t tell me that you wont open up a store because Colorado has strict blue laws. So does Massachusetts, and you have like 50 stores there! You have stores in Pennsylvania, which has some of the strictest blue laws in the country (except for maybe Utah, which I don’t consider to be a state).
Don’t tell me that it would be too hard to open up a distribution center out here, since the closest store is in Santa Fe. DON’T TELL ME THAT! Guess what? You crappy competition, Sunflower Farmer’s Market (aka The Poorest Man’s Trader Joe’s) has a distribution center in Boulder! They have stores all over the front range and even beyond, probably. YOU COULD TOO!
People in Boulder would eat your food up, and give you lots of money (tons of health-conscious academics in Boulder- it’s the #1 most educated city in the States). Not to mention the Metro-Denver area, which is the second most populous metro area in the Mountain West (behind Phoenix) is full of hungry transplants to Colorado, such as yours truly, who yearn for TJ’s all over the internet (read some SF Market reviews on Yelp sometime, guys!).
Coloradans would love TJs. Coloradans DO love TJs. I’ve read a lot of testimonies from weirdos on the internet who drive the six hours to Santa Fe to get some tasty snacks (I would be one of those weirdos, if Max would agree to make the 12-hour-round-trip drive). Why are you making us suffer? It snows wicked bad here in the winter. We can’t always drive to New Mexico.
I think you should open up a few locations in SE Denver. You could kick the ASS of the Tamarac Whole Foods. Look, give me a call, and I’ll tell you the most prime spots for some TJ’s action (they are all within a mile of my apartment or my college).
You have your charge, so get on it! If I don’t see a TJ’s open up here in the next year, I will move back to a state that has one. I can’t do this anymore.
Love,
Liz
(I did write an e-mail to TJ’s, which they NEVER RESPONDED TO, but I thought I’d write another one, just in case their higher-ups google “Crazy Trader Joe’s Letter” all day long, looking for people like me.)
